OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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