Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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