it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
