Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
