Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
