The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think people are normalizing furries
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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