Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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