He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
