Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
