man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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