The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
