I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
