...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
