DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
