Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
