then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
