dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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