East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think I won the penis lottery.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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