Please, let me fuck your mom
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
