i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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