I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
