Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
