Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
