oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
