so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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