So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
