FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
