I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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