I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
