The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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