you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
