I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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