Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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