You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Less talking, more tequila
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
