Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my sisters under your porch take her home
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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