I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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