Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
