I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
that may or may not have been my penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
