I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
