so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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