I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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