drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
