My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
