We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
