Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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