Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
