There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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