If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
