a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
