i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am puke
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
