If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
