I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
