Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
